thank god I had the quadratic equation to calculate the parabola of the ball I...– no one (via eatdirt)
Reblog if your tits are real.
How Do Dog Whistles Work?
Interviewer: And you recorded the album ["Wasting Light"] in your garage? What kind of garage is it?
Dave Grohl: It's a garage with midgets with platters of cocaine.
Girl: I'm having heart surgery today.
Boy: I know.
Girl: I love you!
Boy: I love you more!
*After heart surgery her dad is the only person in the room.*
Girl: Where is he?
Dad: Don't you know who gave you the heart?
Girl: (Starts crying)
Dad: Im just kidding he went to the bathroom.
The difference between bees and wasps.
Bee: Hi there friend! How are you today? I'm just doing my job, pollinating flowers and all, no need to be afraid of me, I'm just happy I get to enjoy this wonderful weather with you.
Wasp: Oh hey motherfucker, wanna go? I swear I will kill any cunt stupid enough to get 3 feet near me, I can sting you, and it will be the nastiest feeling you've had in awhile. Buzz Buzz, asshole. Bet that hurts doesn't it? Stupid fuck.