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Movies, Music, Science, Humor, Cute things, Maybe a little Sex or Tattoos. Basically whatever I want. Prepare your eyeballs.

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  1. (Source: unpopulaur)

  2. 16160 Notes
    Reblogged: wasarahbi
  3. celesse:

lntruding:


Have you ever been to earth?
On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:
You’re an idiot.
Let me further explain:
Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.
Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.
When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.
And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:
Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.
Nope.
My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.
You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.
And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.
What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.
I just want a burrito.
In conclusion:
You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.



UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:
A fucking fork?
I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.
If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.
That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.
Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.
A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.
People eat burritos with forks?
God is sorry he made us.
(Source)


I’m laughing so hard. How did he even make the burrito like that? Did he wrap up the empty tortilla and drop the ingredients in like a penny roll? LOL

    celesse:

    lntruding:

    Have you ever been to earth?

    On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

    You’re an idiot.

    Let me further explain:

    Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

    Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.

    When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.

    And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:

    Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

    Nope.

    My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.

    You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.

    And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.

    What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.

    I just want a burrito.

    In conclusion:

    You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.


    UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:

    A fucking fork?

    I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.

    If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.

    That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.

    Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.

    A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.

    People eat burritos with forks?

    God is sorry he made us.

    (Source)

    I’m laughing so hard. How did he even make the burrito like that? Did he wrap up the empty tortilla and drop the ingredients in like a penny roll? LOL

  4. 43556 Notes
    Reblogged: angrylittlefiend
  5. (Source: night---vale)

  6. 91102 Notes
    Reblogged: wasarahbi
  7. americanfall:

    compromisedanalintegrity:

    I can’t wait for Hillary to pull a BEYONCÉ. No promo, no campaign, no nothing. We will all just be sitting on twitter with our thumbs up our asses when our timeline suddenly starts to fill with the news that Hillary Rodham Clinton is now President Hillary Rodham Clinton. Slayed the game, and we weren’t even ready for it.

    That’s called a coup. That’s a fascist dictatorship. That is the exact opposite of what anyone wants.

    (Source: beynus)

  8. 43245 Notes
    Reblogged: wasarahbi
  9. heidi8:

    pierogi-jarskie:

    smithsonian:

    Protip: This is a really bad question to ask when visiting the National Mall. We have 8 buildings surrounding the Mall, and a total of 19 museums, 9 research centers and the National Zoo. A S.H.I.E.L.D agent should know better! 

    (We think she means the Smithsonian’s National Museum of Natural History in this case.)  

    I love that this is on the Smithsonian’s tumblr

    Whoever does social media for the Smithsonian is awesome. 

    (Source: runakvaed)

  10. 162712 Notes
    Reblogged: edwardspoonhands
  11. 13082 Notes
    Reblogged: thegeekmaster
  12. failureisntanoptionitsinevitable:

    Bo Burnham is great.

    (Source: loganismine-sorry)

  13. 210243 Notes
    Reblogged: thegeekmaster
  14. 57408 Notes
    Reblogged: taletreader
  15. lannistersex:

"THAT SHIRT WITH THOSE SHOES?"

    lannistersex:

    "THAT SHIRT WITH THOSE SHOES?"

  16. 44919 Notes
    Reblogged: taletreader
  17. adamsessler said: did you wear the sunglasses through the entire interview?

    Of course. Dress to impress.

  18. 1 Notes
  19. 15725 Notes
    Reblogged: gigolodad
  20. (Source: jtotheizzoe)

  21. 61434 Notes
    Reblogged: nerdhabits
  22. masterofkarateandfriendship:

    bookishandmacabre:

    werewolf—barmitzvah:

    boyfriendhook:

    In which Jaime required coffee in order to sit through the wedding vows. [x]

    OMFG BEST MISTAKE EVER

    HOLY CRAP.

    Apparently he also grew his hand back, as well…

    Click the link. This is a behind the scenes shot of rehearsals. The original poster has even edited their post to point this out. Here’s the scene that aired. You’ve done it again, Tumblr. 

    (Source: maimedlion)

  23. (Source: virnakhaleesi)

  24. 107 Notes
  25. riddlemetom:

    Overheard in the halls of Hogwarts [2/4] inspired by x

  26. 60074 Notes
    Reblogged: wasarahbi